Just one year after my accident, in October 1994, I went back to work. I was starting out working just twenty hours a week and hopefully I would build up to working full time. In March of 1995, I quit working. I just couldn’t do even twenty hours a week. I was still learning how my body worked, and it just wasn’t working out.
The next job I had was helping out some family friends, at their business. I was able to do this job, but it had unique circumstances, since for most of the day, I was the only one in the office. This allowed me to wear shorts, and I could take off my braces, which made it more comfortable. The knee brace I wear actually hurts my leg. Of course, just touching my leg with your finger makes it hurt too, so the knee brace on it all day can get very uncomfortable. I did this job for a little while, but it eventually ran its course.
After that, I kind of lost my will to work. My disabilities seemed to be too much of a hindrance. I thought about all the problems I had on a daily basis and how they would affect me getting a real job again. Over the years, I had all these scenarios built up in my head, but I honestly didn’t know if they were real or contrived. There was only one way to find out, and that was to get another job.
Earlier this year I took a leap of faith and got one of those temporary census jobs. I thought this would be the perfect job to see if I could actually work again. As I said, I had all these ideas in my head about how my disabilities would affect my job. After just one week, I knew that those thoughts were not just in my head. Everything that I thought would be a problem turned out to be just as I expected.
The number one obstacle to me working is the pain I have to deal with. Some days it’s not so bad, but other days it’s just tough. It makes it really hard to sit and concentrate. The lack of control of my bladder and bowels also affects my ability to work. My bladder is more of an inconvenience than a problem, but my bowels are going to always be a cause for concern. Even though the physical problems are rare, the mental stress of not having control of my bowels is indescribable. If I do have any problems or even think I might be about to have problems, my day is shot. I generally don’t leave the house.
What I have learned is that it’s going to be really tough for me to work. In this condition, I won’t ever be able to work an eight hour a day job again. I now know I can do four or five and maybe six at the most. I’m just going to have to find the perfect situation for me, with a very understanding boss. It’s going to be hard, but it’s something I’m determined to do.
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